I'm really feeling strong this week. I've felt a few weaker moments, but I feel like I can hold my chest high. I talked to Brooke last night and she said we could start working on improv/movement exercises in our in-office sessions. I'm really excited about that, along with all the other opportunities. I told my buti teacher that I signed up for the teacher training and she was so excited. It will be interesting to see how this all evolves. It's actually already interesting. I've learned so much the past few months and feel on the brink of learning so much more, so much depth. I have so much more compassion for myself and others, I have more understanding that I am not a freak for the ways that I feel - I am just figuring out how to make myself function in society with my uniqueness.
The Annmarie situation opened up a lot of doors for questioning and learning and trusting my support and myself. One thing I'd like to be more clear on is my values, which I will start breaking down here.
I'm ready to kill the "good girl" I once was. I'm ready to be brave. I'm freaking ready! Movement is the answer, I know it. I need to stand tall, I need to walk strong, I need to belieeeeve. I need to take up space, I need to embrace the spaces in speaking, allowing my words to soak in the minds of my listeners, rather than rushing through sentences to not waste their time or avoid getting cut off. I can do that. It's all practice. I can do that!
I may not be able to prevent all the bad things in the world or make the best choices, but I can absolutely put more good into this world. I will always do the best with what I know. That's all I can do and that is surely perfect.
I've been brainstorming all the options I want to explore for my life:
Improv
Voice lessons
Body language research
Self defense classes
CPR/first aid cert
MovNat
BUTI
Breathwork
Life coach training
I also want to write every day. I want to set up some different exercises to incorporate into my writing, some of them being the questions Christine Hassler puts out in her podcasts, some being the options Brooke has laid out for me. I want a bit of structure to it all, with room for free thought around it.
I'm going to start writing daily letters to someone I've encountered in the day or ever that I want to speak to but haven't or can't. This was a Brooke recommendation (though to be done via speech). I think it will be a great outlet for getting the thoughts and emotions out of my head.
I also want to do the 30 days of gratitude for November without posting it publically.
Ok, let's start!
My Values:
Freedom
Connection (with others, myself, nature, spirituality)
Authenticity
Respect (for self and others)
Growth
I'm sure I'll make adjustments to that list along the way, but I think this is a good start! I've worked on this with Brooke before, but I can't find that list. I think it was fairly similar.
What am I grateful for?
Day 1: I am grateful for being able to see all the really tough periods of my life as such opportunities for growth and for being the reason I'm at the level of happiness I'm at today. I never would have thought it was possible 5 years ago. The cycles of depression seemed a part of my identity, something I had to accept as fact, something to work around. But no, that was fortunately not the reality.
Day 2: I am grateful for the most supportive friends I could ever imagine. They've all transformed in different ways over the years, but it is amazing to know I can be so vulnerable with these people and not have to fear negative consequences.
Day 3: I am grateful for my sisters-in-law. It was so beneficial to have strong women so close in my life when my mom was not one at all. They are inspirations in their own unique ways and they are also great listeners with great feedback. And they are just fun to be around. I love them so much.
And
1) TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR...keeping my head held high after overhearing the president of the practice say my name and ask who I was and then whisper about why I didn't respond to say I got an email in error. I would have normally broken down, but I knew I was able to be strong.
2) TODAY I HELPED SOMEONE BY...laughing over shared pain (from Dana lol)
3) SOMETHING THAT MADE ME HAPPY TODAY WAS...when Dominiquea was super excited when I told her about signing up for buti teacher training
4) TODAY I LEARNED....that people will always surprise you with how their minds are truly working, how the thoughts in their heads could be so so different from what they are showing (e.g., the struggle between strict science and artist that Sonja wrote about and the claim as an introvert by Cynthia)
5) TOMORRROW I WILL...begin doing buti before work!
