In counseling tonight, Brooke brought up that it didn't seem like I was fully owning the role of leader in these projects/groups I've been taking on, though I did have confidence and excitement with them all. My response was that I probably have a hesitation with the thought of people thinking I think I'm better than I am or better than them. When she asked about what it was like when I tried to share my voice growing up and now, I said, "Well, I honestly didn't ever feel like I had a voice until very recently, so that concept is SO new to me."
As I spoke about my new involvement in creating and participating in the women's empowerment community, I mentioned feeling like I was a novice. She pointed out that people would not be coming to my book club meetups if I was a novice because time is very valuable and people are giving up their free time to participate. She reflected back to me that all these opportunities arising are not coincidence but because I planted a seed that is starting to grow. I shed a light that people are attracted to and inspired by and it takes courage to make decisions like that. If I label myself as a novice, I am holding myself back from reaching my true potential and almost looking back to try to be on the same level as a novice.
When I mentioned the pattern of not accepting the leadership role in the past (like when others said i was ready to teach yoga, and even when I started teaching, and I didn't want to claim that I was good enough for that position), she said, "You said that you didn't feel like it was an option to have a voice growing up. Well, what if you had that voice all along but it was waiting for this moment for you to share it? What if your voice now is meant to spread the message of providing a voice to the voiceless?"
That is AMAZING. That is a message that I can completely identify with and feel is so unique to me. I used to be silent my entire life because I didn't want people to judge my for what I was actually saying; I would rather people think I'm weird for saying nothing than for being weird for who I actually was. Now I love telling people who I really am and figuring out who I am even better by having those conversations. Being able to be an example and a support for others in that situation is so perfect. I love it!
Now research time! I want to start outlining the uniqueness of being a woman and branching off of that outline with ways to strengthen those qualities and implement them into daily life. I want this for the Shakti Power Circle, but also for my other groups and general conversation.
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