Anger and Light

The angry girl inside me is brewing up a storm. She needs to be heard. She needs to be understood. She needs to be released. Being angry is not being a "good girl". What's a good girl to do when that's inside of her? Lately I've been more irritated than anything and I think it's because I need to yell, I need to shake people to get them to see me as strong and independent and worthy. Do I even see myself as that? I've always been attracted to "mother types". Not having that growing up when I really needed it, especially in a masculine home, I craved that relationship. I loved to be cared for, to be told I was great, to be welcomed. Now I need to be that mother for myself. I need to nurture myself, to love myself unconditionally, to believe in myself. I'm trying to gather wisdom from other women so I can do this. I started eating a large, warm breakfast at home before work in the morning to nourish myself at the beginning of the day. I also started meditating/doing yoga/kundalini/ACIM before work. Yesterday and today I went running, just a mile each day, but was so happy to have gotten off my ass and burn away some of this pain, this depression that makes me feel like I'm wearing a heavy wet blanket. I'm very much looking forward to Sukhdev's course on the lunar woman. I feel like it's going to give me some of the knowledge I'm seeking. And she's just so lovely! It was nice to be able to talk to her via email. I feel very motivated to do some deep work. I don't want fear to control my life leaving me bitter that I didn't live the life I wanted. How do I freaking do this? Well, I'm going to keep doing my morning practices and pray for some guidance and understanding.