Options and Self Care

After a state of desperation, I took the self care I needed to cope (barely at times). I stayed in a hotel close to work, which was so helpful, allowing me more time in the day to meditate, do yoga, relax eating breakfast. After the insanely stressful week, I went to a Russian banya for a few hours on Saturday and had a massage by a giant Russian dude. Then I came home and had a few glasses of wine while watching Orphan Black. That was lovely. I had some more drinks with Brendan later, but they didn't make me feel as nice as the wine. I've really been on the hunt for meaning in my life. In that effort, I've been trying to find the best practice to add to my life: A Course in Miracles, jade egg, Kundalini, Naam yoga, shadow work, meditation, group fitness, pole dancing, some other type of dance. There are so many possibilities. I'm really drawn to the yoni egg and Kundalini, which will incorporate a lot of the other options I listed above (shadow work and meditation). I guess my bigger challenge is that I want to do this with other people and my schedule doesn't really allow for a consistency in participating in a group class. That bothers me a lot sometimes. But I'm going to start learning more about Kundalini now. I love chakra work, I've been wanting to learn about breathing techniques, I'm interested in shadow work, and I want something different. I'll post my research here today as well. I have to talk to Jillian about the jade egg as well What am I doing in this life? Why can't I move past all of these limited beliefs? I'm working in a profession that I have almost no interest in at a job I don't fit in to, I don't have a space of my own which is so important to me, I'm not manifesting my creativity, and I'm not able to stick through with healthy eating and exercise. Ugh, writing that just made my head spin. I want space to be able to nourish myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I want a tribe to share these experiences with on a regular basis. Maybe a BeachBody type program for spiritual practice? When I went to red tent a while ago, I remember the host saying that if what you are looking for is not available, maybe that is your calling to create it yourself. As I was thinking about how much I wanted to get away from my job last week, I also thought about how long it had been since a recruiter had reached out to me. And then one did. How crazy is that? Part of me saw it as a great opportunity to get away from where I am and part of me saw it as an opportunity to turn down another accounting job. I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND MY TRUTH. I also have a triathlon in 2 months...hmmmmm. That should be interesting.