Dreams, Relationships, and the Wannabe Hippie Life

Dream: I was on a trip with Chris H and Jason. It seemed like somewhere similar to Atlantic City. We went into a shop that mostly sold liquor but also had some home decor and gift merchandise. We started looking at the beer shelf and a store clerk came over to offer some assistance. We picked up a few of her suggestions. Then she walked over to the other side of the room and got a six pack that was hidden behind a bunch of other beers, saying it was the best one in the shop. We were all excited with our selections and were ready to get rung up. Then she said, "oh one more!". And we followed her to the candle section. She had us smell her favorite candle. Did she really think we wanted to buy candles along with our beer? This was a little weird. Jason did his usual "Ok, great, we'll stick with the beer." I tore the cardboard box for my six pack so was in search of a plastic bag to carry the bottles. And for some reason, Chris was stocking up on these giant cardboard boxes. What the hell was he doing with those? We still had to walk around the boardwalk with all this shit. I'm not sure quite how much significance this dream has, but I was so excited that I actually remembered one that I had to write it down. It's so interesting that I had a dream about Jason and a typical scenario that we would have had in our friendship (a fun day on vacation, looking for alcohol and experiencing a certain level of awkwardness with the locals). Chris Gee broke up with Dana this week and she was telling me about it last night. When she was talking about that relationship, it really took me back to times with Jay. We had such a unique friendship and I do miss it every once in a while. It was so connected and yet so disconnected at the same time. I felt like I could be myself but also avoid difficult conversations and attachment. It was just laid-back and carefree. Now obviously it didn't work out in the long run, but it was such a nice support to have. I weighed myself yesterday and had lost 2 pounds since Monday. That seemed pretty cool to me. I was a little nervous about the work Christmas party and all of the desserts that would be there, but I survived the day! I had a smoothie for breakfast, a subway salad for lunch (actually a healthy one!), some roast beef with rice and salad at the party, a little lemongrass chicken TV dinner at home, and then I had 7 dark chocolate Dove pieces throughout the day (seemed a bit better an option than cake or something at the party at least). I had sinus pressure for the past 2 weeks and have been sooo exhausted. I would be in a fog all day at work and just come home and pass out. I used the netipot yesterday morning and it made a world of difference. I walked with a bounce in my step again and I'm still feeling good! Crazy news yesterday to hear that Dave and Leon would no longer be at the company. After the town hall meeting where Vince said nothing good about finance, we were already feeling a bit unappreciated. I was such a surprise to most of us to find this out. I felt pretty self conscious after that, especially with some mistakes I had made that came up yesterday, that I could be the next one to go. I really don't want to live with a fear of losing my job. This is the first place I felt that and it's not very nice. I keep dreaming about what a life outside of corporate might look like. The only thing is, I need that structure in my life. I couldn't have my own business or anything. But this just doesn't feel right. Hmmm...well, I'll let that simmer for a while and we'll see where it goes. It's hard to be a free spirit in a corporate environment, and I really just want to be a hippie who does yoga, grows her own food, helps the community, loves and is loved, and tries to always figure out how to be a better and stronger person. Is that so much to ask for?? LOL. I'm excited about my motivation to eat healthy again. I think it will make a huge difference in how I feel and how I move towards my goals (loose goals at the moment). I want to look more into hormone health as well and to read Sara Goddfried's book about it. I have a lot of faith in that. Oh! And the reason I started this with a dream! Martina messaged me the other night saying, "Do you want to be my dream buddy?!" I had NO clue what that meant, but it sounded fun and I love Martina so I was about to laugh and give a wholehearted YES. She said it was from a book her herbalist wrote (which she would be sending me for Christmas) where it help you "learn the language of your inner life". You share a dream once or twice a week with a friend to do this, and it also helps to make that friendship stronger. How could I say no to that?? Seems like a ton has happened this week. I'm feeling like I'm on a bit of a roller coaster with my emotions and self-esteem, but counseling today should help! Oh yeah, and when Dana was telling me about the breakup with Chris, I was just feeling bad for not being a support for her during that relationship. I actually don't think I was ready to be that person, but I wish I could have been. I'm glad I could listen to her last night, but I did feel like I was doing the easy work at that point. And I also felt like I was only supporting her OUT of a relationship. That kinda sucks. But I did feel more connected to her again after that conversation. I even stayed up to watch some TV with her and I skipped spinning this morning. My legs hurt anyway!