Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve today.  I wanted to do something healthy, like some yoga event, for NYE.  Unfortunately, I've been sick all week.  I'm not too upset, though.  I'm looking forward to some time at home by myself.  Might just watch a movie and some NYE fun on TV.  I'm almost better, so hopefully tomorrow I'll be good to get up and move.  I was thinking about going to Colin's or Brendan's for the day.  I might just do some cleaning today so I can fully enjoy tomorrow.  I would also like to do some reading.

I've been having a rough time with work lately.  I was having some issues with feeling like I needed to do something that was more "me" and get out of this role that has been feeling so wrong.  In thinking about how much time, work, and money could be necessary in order to make that happen, I decided to change my mindset instead.  Maybe if I just focus on what I get enjoyment out of when I'm actually doing my current job.  That would be constantly communicating, walking around and helping people, and staying organized.  I had that in mind the next few days and was feeling pretty good.  But then I met with Rajae and he was telling me that he was looking for a Senior Accountant, the position that he was hoping to put Eva and me in.  He didn't feel we had reached his expectations for our groups and that I didn't have the accounting knowledge necessary.  I knew all of that was true, but it was still harsh to hear.  I explained my situation in terms of accounting knowledge and how it was like my mind was erased after my accelerated MBA program.  He suggested taking a refresher Accounting course or going through with my CPA exam, which the company would pay for (at least some of).  This sounded somewhat appealing after he said it, but after the Christmas break, I had decided against it.  This is not what I want.  The basic courses will not help me to understand the work I'm doing and the CPA exam requires much more than I am willing to put in.  

My focus right now is to be a good leader for my group.  I am going to have more regular meetings and check in with them and make sure there is a fluid communication line and that I am aware of all the issues.  I worked from home today and yesterday because I was sick and had no more vacation time to use.  Rajae said it was find, but in the future he would probably take a half day of PTO when we work from home.  That bothered me so much.  I couldn't focus for the rest of the day and my motivation was gone.  It showed a lack of trust and we also have so little vacation time.  I only work from home when something is really wrong, like snowy roads.  I am just getting very frustrated with this job.  I have to find something to fulfill my life's desires.  But I have to come up with some plans!

Martina sent me a book called "Healing Magic" and we've been talking about it a bit and sharing our dreams.  Though our dreams have been lacking over the holidays lol.  But it was interesting.  I spoke with Martina after my meeting with Rajae and I was on the verge of tears.  I shared what happened with her, which was a scary thing.  That was really where I felt my vulnerability, but I followed through with Brene Brown's advice and shared it with my supportive friend.  I felt really strong for being able to say that out loud.  I can't say I felt a lot better afterwards, but it did help.  Strangely enough, I didn't share it with Dana when I came home.  It just didn't feel right.

But I've really been enjoying the book Martina sent.  I feel like I want to be so much more connected with the environment.  And in meditation and yoga, I definitely have felt that a little bit.  I always loved imagining my groundedness with the earth.  Some of the book is a little more hippie that I'm up for, at least for now.  But overall, I just love it.

Books to read:
The Woman Code - Alisa Vitti
The Soulmate Secret - Arielle Ford
Women, Food, and Desire - Alex Jamieson

Goals:
Find a yoga studio
Eat a healthy diet
Create a regular and fun fitness routine
Pick a race to train for (with a friend)
Start a side business
Create a healthy living website
Start a women's empowerment group (maybe with an artistic and/or community service component)
Travel!
Play tennis
Be more mindful of my friends - send them cards/emails/texts more often
Use more organic foods and products, make environmentally friendly cleaning products
Find a nature group to learn more about trees, plants, animals, etc


Oh yeah, I never wrote about Christmas.  I had a great time and Colin's and Brendan's and then out to dinner for dad's 70th birthday.  I played a lot of tennis with Brendan (indoors and outdoors) and that was just a ton of fun.  I SO want to get into the sport now.  We were lucky with the weather, too.  I had a ton of laughs with the kids and then Brendan and Kristine and some snuggling with the puppy.  It was so hard to leave this time.  Even with the craziness of their house, it always feels like home.  I feel more and more connected to them every time I go over, especially when those visits are close together.

Ok, well I'll write again soon.  I think I'm going to call my dad and then make a trip to Barnes and Noble.

See you in 2015!